New York Newbs. Noobs. Newbs. - Catching Something Invisible

I told my students they were not allowed to start their essays, presentations, etc with a dictionary definition. I gave no such dictum about starting with an Urban Dictionary definition. As such, here we are:

“NOOBS: Rely on cheap tactics to barely finish second-to-last on the team, and often blame others for their mistakes.
Noobs have no ambition to get better at the game they fail at, and are happy just pissing off the rest of us.”

VS.

“NEWBS: Honest, humble, polite [people] who strive to better themselves by playing as a team and seeking the advice of others. Newbs are new to the game, so they don’t know, and, when confronted after using noob tactics, apologize for their behavior and immediately cease all noob activity.”

I present, what I hope is NEWB behavior (as opposed to noob behavior, obviously):
Couch Shopping in New York: A Photo Essay

(I invite you to click in order to best read the captions)

This doesn’t capture the giant emptiness of our “furnished” space, but it became pretty clear that we would need a few more pieces to round out the room. Forewarned about Bed Bugs, we looked for new couch, but in all reality, there was no way we could afford a new couch. So we looked for a couch in a fancy (hopefully bed bug free) area and made some calls.

Since the last time that I ever really lifted a weight was during the punishing mandatory PE credit I delayed until senior year of high school, the next challenge was finding a mover to help us. We were taken by Ramon’s posting on Craigslist. It contained a poem about why we should hire him. So we did.

So actually before this point, we realized we needed to liquidate some funds from our ATM. Our bank’s ATM was about a mile away, so I donned my running shorts to hurriedly get some cash. Here you see my running shorts clad rump splayed awkwardly across the back seat.

I would say this was not the safest decision Jeremy and I have ever made. However, as I was unseatbelted into the city, I was comforted by the fact that if Ramon and his lovely wife did decide to kidnap Jeremy and me, they would still need help moving the couch out of Ramon’s car, so it wouldn’t be as fun to kidnap us. Though we are delightful company.

We should have known this couch was not going to fit in our space when we had trouble moving it out of the original apartment that it was in. We were a bit bullheaded about it. It would fit. It would fit! Come to find out, when put up next to our elevator–it did not fit.

We had little other choice but to try the stairs.

If you thought Ross had a hard time moving his couch up the stairs, I urge you to see how tiny our stairwell is. “LEFT! LEFT!” wouldn’t really cut it here.

This is Ramon (who we actually really really loved, Craigslist Poem and All) pulling the couch up four floors. He honestly was an expert.

It required a hefty bit of maneuvering to weasel this guy through our door.

The hall was still unbelievably narrow and the lip of the couch kept getting jammed in the doorway.

If you’re wondering if I cleaned our coffee table for this photo, and strategically left Jeremy’s sexy glasses, the answer is, of course, yes. But look! Voila! Couch!

I’m not sure I recommend our approach, but the results were good. Now we wait for the couch cover and pray we don’t get bed bugs. We apologize and immediately cease all Noob behavior.