When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for 2100 Hinckley Hall to dissolve the oppressive bands which have connected them to the dorms, and to assume their own powers of responsibility, they are entitled, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation (come April, anyway).
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all women are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Sanity. To secure these rights, they must be trusted to be responsibly and adhere to the virtues listed in the Honor Code without the policing of the oppressors. They must also be provided with the amenities that they have paid for. The history of the present dorms is a history of repeated injuries and unjust behavior, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the girls. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He (being the dorm institution) has not fixed the iron after multiple pleas to do so.
He has not provided working vacuums, but instead vacuums from the 1970’s that regurgitate what they are supposed to be hovering.
He has not fixed the microwave.
He has taken away our right to fraternize with members of the opposite sex, save it be in a public common room. However, during this fraternization, he has also prohibited us from watching movies, because we cannot watch them in a public place due to copyright laws.
He has not fixed the television in the lobby.
He has decorated the Hinckley walls with heinous leopard and zebra print.
He has unjustly issued a Code violation to Sierra for NOT having boys in her room
He has never repaired the inevitably broken vending machines.
He has taken away the rights of agency by establishing absurd visiting hours (even Heritage dorms get better visiting hours that Helaman).
He has not provided the appropriate number of parking spaces in the parking lot.
He has limited bathroom use by cleaning in the prime getting ready hours of the morning.
He has caused that many an article of clothing, including 4 of Sierra Robinson’s shirts and her favorite yellow personal item have gone missing in the laundry room, where dryers 7 and 8 are STILL broken.
He has caused that Sierra Robinson has officially lost her mind.

I. therefore, a representative of 2100 Hinckley Halls, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of the dorms, solemly publish and declare, that this Sierra Robinson is, and of right ought to be Free and independent. She has full power to abide by the Honor Code under her own discretion, enjoy the amenities that are supposedly included in room and board, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Persons may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, I pledge that come April, I will be FREE of the dorms forever.