Things I’m Learning about My Husband in Bed

Unless he has the exact right pillow under the exact right place under his neck, he will snore. Sometimes his snores are not just snores—sometimes they are long, drawn-out, cavernous bellows. Sometimes they are little sizzle snores that start low and deep at the grumble pack in his throat, and then travel up to his nose where they peter into a dull wheeze.

Also he talks in his sleep. Last night he woke me up so we could have this conversation:

Jeremy:  Harang the Mitsu Plank.

Me: (Consulting the clock. 5:30 AM) Huh?

Jeremy: (With a little more desperation) Harang the Mitsu Plank!

Me: (Desperately searching for meaning in this through a cloud of sleep haze) What, Jeremy?

Jeremy: (Definitely frustrated now) Harang the Mitsu Plank! Psshh. Gorglefunk (At this point, Jeremy rolled over defiantly, and promptly began snoring again).

But sleeping Jeremy was on finest form on our honeymoon, when I woke up to Jeremy humming a delightful little tune. Assuming he was awake, I tapped on his shoulder and his body seized, as if he was being pulled from a coma. He allowed his eyes to focus, probably as surprised to wake up to a wife as I still am to be waking up to a husband.

Me: That was a pretty song love—Whatchoo singin?

Jeremy: Was I singing?

Me: Yes, and it sounded like the theme song from CatDog.

Jeremy: I don’t know the theme song from CatDog. But I do know the theme song to Angry Beavers. I can play it on the trumpet (he hums it, to prove it).

We spent 3:00 AM in Victoria singing and humming all the old Nickelodeon theme songs from our youth, and then cuddling until sleep overtook us. I am finding bedtime to be one of the greatest learning experiences of all…. Now I know the Angry Beavers theme song. You don’t? Oh, Gorglefunk.