When I got married, I got a new cellphone plan, and with it a new number. I did the customary thing: transferred my contacts, sent out a mass text with my new number, and I think I even posted some sort of Facebook announcement about it as well. As with all cellular changes, there were a few stragglers that didn’t get the memo.

I say this genuinely: I feel sorry for the young man that inherited my old number. It’s not that my phone  (new number or old) is always bumping with activity, but I imagine the confusion of getting anyone’s old number is not without nuisance. I also imagine that this man is of a generally grumpy variety, which is bound to make this process extra frustrating for him since he seems to be… a bit of a loose cannon.

The problem is the church phonebook. In Mormon culture, no one is paid to do administrative work in the churches, so sometimes things like “Phonebook directories” do not get updated. Even though I have repeatedly requested a number change, for some reason when distributed to the masses, my number remains my “pre-Penrod” number.

The problem with the church phonebook is that it is typically the nice old ladies in the ward that ever use it.

So after the 5,000th report that the man with my old number is swearing violently at the old ladies  that are calling to check if I would like to help a church member move or if I’ve had a chance to do my visiting teaching, I decided I better intervene.

He answered with guns blazing. I very politely apologized. I made sure to empathize (“I can imagine that this has been unbelievably frustrating, I am so sorry!”) He hung up. So I texted.

His response was so surprisingly rude, I simply had to post it to Facebook/Instagram. It served a dual purpose– share my amusement about the world about Mr. Grumpy Gills, as well as alert any stragglers that my PHONE NUMBER HAS CHANGED. I did not give anyone my old number, and I genuinely didn’t want anyone to antagonize this gentlemen. But it was too much for my dear friend Elly, who has my old number memorized. I shall let the following speak for itself.