My Personal Fear Factor

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For some people, it’s public banisters and door handles. For others, it’s the ice at restaurants, and after having worked at a restaurant for three years, I can affirm that you probably ought to be disgusted by what swims in there. But not me! I’m not scared of toilet seats or bottoms of purses or even snotty-nosed toddlers. I’ve never really been a antibacterial-toting germ phobe (well, I guess except for a brief spell during the Swine flu epidemic). But there is one thing that sends the “sick nasties” dancing through my bloodstream:

Yes. Loofahs.
 Don’t be trusting of their strange, colored innocence. These puppies are germ factories. Germ Central. Bacteria Absorbents! 

 Oh my gosh, they gross me out so much. Something about the softness of my skin post shower suggests that they’ve been scrubbing off all my dead skin cells, and I’m not entirely trusting that those skin cells made it down the drain.

In my world, Bath Time is Supreme and the Loofah is King. I replace the Loofah regularly. I rinse and wash it meticulously. At one point, I even had two loofahs so as not to cross-contaminate their purposes (Don’t think too much about this).

So when Jeremy off-handedly mentioned that he borrowed my loofah recently, I can’t say that my reaction was as Suave (shower joke) as I would have hoped. It went something like this:
Jeremy: Hey Sierra, I borrowed your loofah, I hope you don’t mind.
Sierra: (Visibly losing all color in my face) You… I’m sorry… you…. what?
Jeremy: I used your loofah.
Sierra: (Reaching for something I could lower myself onto to keep from passing out) But… honey, why did you do that?
Jeremy: Cause you bought me that body wash, and… I’m sorry? Was that a problem?
Sierra: No! No… Um… Just-just…just… NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! 
(At this point I went on a rampage, pouring Jeremy’s shower gel down the drain and laughing maniacally while I did it. Clearly, a switch had flipped.) *

This is why I will be stopping by the drug store today to locate a loofah for Jeremy. He expressed preference in a manly loofah, so I hope I can find a black one with skulls all over it. But it’s worth whatever great length I have to go to, because Jeremy’s shower gel is expensive and smells really good, so I would hate to see another bottle down the drain.
*-Story may have been embellished. The fear is real.