When Elly Strikes

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When I got married, I got a new cellphone plan, and with it a new number. I did the customary thing: transferred my contacts, sent out a mass text with my new number, and I think I even posted some sort of Facebook announcement about it as well. As with all cellular changes, there were a few stragglers that didn’t get the memo.

Wickedly Good–Kristin Chenoweth Recap

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I was a ThesPian in high school and so I went through this rather alienating period where I listened to only Show Tunes. Les Mis! Phantom of the Opera! The Last Five Years! Little Shop of Horrors! Maybe I didn’t have very many cool-cool friends at that phase of my life, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever been happier. Try it.Listen to “Do You Hear The People Sing?” from Les Mis while you’re doing chores and tell me if you’ve never been more inspired as you are mopping the floor.

Deep Thoughts: Taylor Swift

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I’m thinking of creating a blog label for all of my “deep thoughts.” For all my posts on like, you know, The Bachelor and like… hair products and stuff.

So, Taylor Swift has committed two offenses against me, but I have recently decided to forgive her for them.

Her Offenses: 
1. Dating Jake Gyllenhaal
2. Having an old boyfriend of mine say to me, “I WISH you looked like Taylor Swift.” (He wasn’t kidding).

So, understandably, Taylor and I haven’t been buddy-buddy for the last year or so, but after seeing her cute self on Ellen singing with Zac Efron (who I NEVER liked before that), I have to say, Taylor and I are back on speaking terms… And I think she’s adorable. Also, it doesn’t hurt that Jeremy doesn’t find her overly attractive.

Another reason I like Taylor Swift so much: She is a TOTAL dork, and in my family, being a dork is a really good thing. You might not know she is a dork by just looking at her on the red carpet looking like this:

After all, she looks INCREDIBLE here, and dorks aren’t usually this beautiful.
 But I assure you, Taylor Swift is a dork. Let’s examine the evidence.
1. Lyrics/ Music Video to “You Belong with Me.” — 
“But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers.”
–The music video depicts a pig-tailed, band geek Taylor, totally owning her bleacherism. I think this speaks to a past life of social awkwardness, that Swift can now embrace, and win best female music video over.
You Belong with Me

2. She occasionally sings… awkward things. It’s ok to out “Drew,” whoever he is, because no one knows him. But it seems a tinsy bit too forthcoming by singing about John Mayer (way too old/perverted for you), and Taylor Lautner (besides, you can do better, Taylor S.). And I’m not going to get into the forgiveness song she sang to Kanye at the 2010 VMA’s, because the awkwardness makes me feel a little uncomfortable, to be frank.
*If she sings about Jake Gyllenhaal, her career is over.

3. The most indicting evidence for the geekism of Ms. Swift is here, and this is the one that makes me love her more than anything: The Girl Can’t Dance.

And just as she seems to be America’s sweetheart right now, watching her geeking out, totally aware of her enthusiastic dorkdom, I admit she’s capturing my heart. This may be because I too (and hold onto your knickers, because this may surprise you), am a total dork who cannot dance, who is way too white, and who, if she ever went to high school football games, would have certainly been on the bleachers too.

So yes, Taylor. Let’s be dorks. We can have a slumber party, and wear our retainers together. 

My Thoughts on “The Bachelor”

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I have learned the secret to happiness, or a secret to happiness, anyways. And while you may not believe me because of the title of this blog, I implore you to hear me out. The secret is: Don’t take life too seriously! I mean it! I know I am not the world champion at this, but I am learning that if you can just learn to laugh about life rather than nosing to the grindstone all the time, life can be a little bit more fun. I mean, if you have to move FHE to Tuesday night, life is still ok. If you don’t finish a reading assignment for a class, you are probably a still good person. You are allowed to have a little fun in life.
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            This is why I wholeheartedly defend my weekly decision to watch The Bachelor, and I fervently encourage you to do the same. Many “show snobs” will look at this decision with disdain, and I don’t blame them, but I do think they need a change of attitude. It’s like those people who refused to watch Twilight, because they didn’t want to “condescend.” I’m sad to inform you that you missed the most hilarious cinematic moment of 2011 where a pack of poorly animated werewolves huddled in a circle to growl telepathically to one another in English. You also missed the gloriously bad acting of Taylor Lautner as he “imprinted” (whatever that means) on baby Renesme. If the movie had been an hour of these scenes on repeat, my eight dollars would have still been well spent! I loved it! But NOT because I took it seriously.

            It’s the same with The Bachelor. You don’t watch The Bachelor because you believe in the longevity of Ali and Roberto (although, secretly, I did… a little). You watch The Bachelor with the attitude of mocking. You watch The Bachelor because the drama is sublime. You watch The Bachelor because, though there is no telepathy, there is still a lot of wolfish females growling in huddles at each other. You don’t watch The Bachelor with a grain of salt, but a pound of sugar! You watch it to watch the drama implode, and you invariably end up feeling better about yourself afterwards. It’s a total confidence boost. (Plus, it’s a little fun to plot out what your undoubtedly winning strategy would be if you were stupid enough to go on the show yourself.)
            So for all you Show Snobs who are tilting your nose upward at me, I tell you, I feel sorry for you! This season, you’ve missed a schizophrenic blogger talking to herself in a bathroom, a surprise visit from Chantal N. (whom I love), a girl passing out during the rose ceremony, and lots of girl-growl circles.
 Grrrr! Grrrrr!

Also: I’m totally rooting for :

Jennifer and Kaycie B.
What about you??