1. Do not accidentally place your twelve pack of fresh chicken drumsticks in the freezer instead of the refrigerator, so that they all freeze in one giant clump.
2. Do not try and slam them into the counter repeatedly to get them to break out of their frozen clump.
3. Do not try and take a knife to them to get them out of their frozen clump.
4. Do not shove the humungous Styrofoam crate they came in diagonally in the microwave because you are too impatient to defrost.
5. Do not coat the bottom of the frying pan that you should not be using with a layer of olive oil.
6. Do not get to close when that layer of olive oil turns on you and starts scorching your hands off bit by bit.
7. Do not keep your windows closed because “It’s too cold,” even as your house begins to fill with smoke.
8. Do not give up the frying pan method by sticking your drumsticks back in the microwave in attempts to move things along.
9. Do not assume that though your drumstick looks tasty, cooked, and white on the outside, that it is anything resembling cooked on the inside.
10. Do not leave the Styrofoam packaging the drumsticks came in on top of the stove that is still on.
11. Do not eat. Whatever you do, do not eat.
Lesson Learned. The Hard Way.