This post has been sitting at the bottom of my brain basin for a long time, waiting to surface at the right moment. I actually wrote the majority of this post before the Mormon Facebook Apocalypse of 2015. Still, I’ve held onto this post. I think the time is finally right, as I confront the painful, vulnerable fact that I’ve been spiritually wounded. This is a loaded admission, one that opens up your soul to further misunderstanding, judgment, and (perhaps most terrifyingly and only in a few extreme cases) ire.
Category: My Philosophy
Two Dogs Dreaming
Posted onThere is a dog dreaming next to me. Her muzzle is nuzzling my thigh. Her paws are intertwined and her back is hunched. She is not a small dog, but she’s made herself small so her presence on the couch is less assuming. As if somehow I won’t notice that she’s breaking the rules about being on the couch.
How this Mormon feels about #LoveWinning
Posted onTo my Graduating Seniors of 2015
Posted onDear Seniors of 2015,
I need to make a tiny confession. You were already winners before the contest began, and you’ll continue to be winners long after it’s over.
I need to make another confession: I’ve been manipulating you to think that I am “The Keeper of the Words.” And yet, I struggle too–just like you–when faced with a prompt. And today, the cursor blinks patronizingly as I try to answer the prompt instructing me that somehow I must “Say Goodbye.”
I’m older than you, and by extension “wiser,” and I’ve got your captive attention for probably eight more seconds, so allow me a moment to share the thesis that you, your wisdom, and the time we have shared together has helped me to articulate.
Being a NonPerfectionist Perfectionist
Posted onThere are certain things that I have accepted that I am not good at.
- For instance, I am not good at not spilling.
- I am not good at throwing my clothes in the hamper.
- I am not good at chemistry.
- I am not good at art. I’m especially not good at crafts.
I am OK with this. So sometimes I think this fact alone, the fact that I’ve embraced my non-talents and don’t have to be good at everything, makes me NotAPerfectionist.
The Word, The World
Posted onOne mild panic attack later, and I know I’m officially back in Provo. I’m home, but home feels a little different now. That word feels different. Maybe because the world feels different now.
Part of me wants to maintain the wild facade that Jeremy and I suddenly became multi-millionaires that could whisk across the country on a financial whim, but the truth is that this summer was partly financed by a lot of people’s kind and generous gifts.
- Florida was a gift from my parents.
- Hawaii was a gift from Jeremy’s parents.
- Seattle was our gift to one another.
- And, if I’m honest, New York was a gift to myself.
Dusting Off the Typewriter
Posted onSomeone recently said to me, “Sierra, do you still blog? I miss your words.” And it took me a minute to respond, because if my answer was truthful, my answer was no, I don’t still blog. Something happened to my blog psyche this year.
My words, well, they’ve been here all along, but they just got stuck somewhere in transit. I’m not sure if the words were busy or just intimidated, maybe a little of both, but they’re back now. I missed my words too, or at least, I missed the saying of them.
An Insight into Anxiety
Posted onI wouldn’t ordinarily blog about this so candidly, except that I love the candid and real people out there. I love the people that share without asking for pity. I love the people that post pictures of their perfect little cupcakes one week, and then their disaster of a house the week after that. So in an effort to be relatable and, frankly, for a little catharsis, I give you….
I’m an Introverted Extrovert…
Posted onNo really, I am. Certifiably. On a studied and measured personality test (Myers Briggs Mom? Help me out.) I scored one petite little baby step over the dividing line between Introverted and Extroverted. And I scored Extroverted, but just barely, which I guess I believe because I like performing, and getting attention pretty much rocks my world.
“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
Posted onOrdinarily, this post might include a shame-faced apology for not blogging in so long. But there has been nothing ordinary about this past year, so the usual excuses of laziness or busyness just don’t apply. For once in my life, the most cathartic thing in my life has been–not writing–but in fact, teaching. So I can’t apologize for throwing all my efforts into that, and becoming the somewhat invisible thing that this blog is trying to catch.